SOS vol 6 -- SOS, The Crew
SOS vol 6 -- SOS, The Crew
Its time I introduce you to my crew!
During this year of separation, I had a few friends who also were going
through a shaky time or two and we just accidently, or coincidentally formed a bond.
We showed up for one another, took each other on dates, laughed, cried, or just
had a random sleep over. Whatever one of us needed we just were present in
supporting one another. I jokingly named our group chat “Waiting to Exhale”,
after rewatching the movie one day and realizing --- that’s what stage of life
my friends and I were in! That was short-lived as we have since renamed
ourselves “The SOS Crew”!! (aka Starting Over Single)
So here they are in no specific order:
Lisa AKA the mom of the
crew.
As a licensed therapist who is quick
to call out the BS! She is the one who will ask us the questions that make you think.
Not that we want to feel our feelings while inebriated but leave it to her…
it’s going to happen. Lisa recently ended a 16 year on again off again
relationship. It recently ended due to her boyfriend being spotted at an
engagement party. Correction HIS engagement party! Yup you heard that
correctly! The AUDACITY!
TeeTee, my sister AKA the
SOS President
She has been single longer than all of
us! TeeTee knows what she wants. She is career driven, good with finances,
sharp as a tic, & NOT accepting anything less than 99% from a man.She is
single by choice because either come Correct or Not at all! Yet, TeeTee
has just broken up with her career which has been her man for the past 5 yrs.
It’s an eye opening experience for the amount of FREE time she has to play
with.
Tiana AKA the newborn
single
Tiana is fresh in her singleness. She
has just about a week into living in separate homes from her husband. Her
emotions are all over the place and it’s still a touchy subject. I feel
close to Tiana, at the moment, because I am only a few months ahead of her. I
have felt the emotions she is experiencing and while I empathize, I am also
able to show her that better days are coming.
Austin has no AKA because
he is the baby cousin of TeeTee and myself!
Austin is an adopted member of the SOS
crew because he may or may not be in a relationship, at the moment, we really NEVER
know until we meet up! One minute he knows his worth and he’s ready for better
--- the next minute he’s posting pictures of his significant other for National
Girlfriends’ Day! We thought briefly about kicking him out 😊.... but We can always
count on Austin for a good laugh or to be a Wing man! It’s just not the same
without him.
The group has grown, but
I’ll just introduce these 4 for now because they are the Originals, and we tend
to get together more than the others. Just because of our history growing up
together as children in church and/or school.
May 26, 2024
The SOS Crew and I are in the dining room singing our hearts out during Karaoke,
laughing so much our stomachs are in pain, and just enjoying each other’s company.
We start to serenade Tiana, for her birthday. We sing every happy birthday song
we know as well as one’s we make up on the spot! After her serenading, she
expresses how happy and grateful she is for the night. She starts to reflect on
her year and her separation which is fresher than mine now. She starts to cry.
I assure her that things do get better. We all console her.
We decide that tonight needs to be a sleepover. Tiana had her kids but
needs to meet her husband to drop them off, so I ride with her. Conversing on
the way back---
Tiana: What’s up with You and the ball player?”
Oh, I forgot to mention that detail about Q. He is a retired pro athlete. Let’s
wrap up Q’s debut.
Jan 24, 2024
We are at high school wrestling match. It’s a big one because my nephew
could possibly reach his 100th win today.
I am seated with my family and other teammates families. We are loud,
laughing, and discretely handing out posters, signs, etc for my nephew’s big
win.
I look up and see Q on the other side of the gym. He did tell me he would
be there because his nephew was also wrestling. (No, our nephews did not
wrestle each other!)
Q stops over to give me a hug. Then makes a joke about us being on
opposing teams. He then goes to sit back with his team.
About 20 mins later, my soon to be EX Husband walks
in. He brought my son. I give my son his poster. When I sit back down, I look
up and my soon to be EX Husband is
talking to me with a scrunched face and his mouth tight. He says something
like, “You are playing a dangerous game” I wave him off because we’re here for
my nephew.
He walks away but is clearly upset. He keeps looking over at Q. Then my phone
goes off. It’s a text from Q!
The matches begin. My nephew has his Big Win! It is announced! I stay for
as many matches as I can, then I must head out to teach a private yoga class I
had scheduled at the yoga studio.
I tell my sister and my son I must go and start to walk out to my car. I
can see My soon to be EX Husband rushing
to leave behind me. I move a little faster. I get to my car and pull out
without having to run into him. Yesssssss thank goodness I think to myself.
Once I get to the studio, I text Q and let him know I left in a rush to teach.
Since I didn’t say bye. He responds:
Q doesn’t respond. So, we don’t speak for a week or 2. Once he realizes I
am NOT chasing he texts to come see me. We meet up & discuss that night’s
events again.
I rationalize that My soon to be EX Husband and
I have kids together so it’s impossible to pretend I’ll
never see him.
Q: I don’t know how it goes I never been married.
Me: It just dawned on me now and I am forced to remember, I am also 5
years older than you. Ugghh. You were born in the 90’s sir.
We laugh about it and I think were good. Remember when I introduced you
all to Q --- I said he was Not my savior, or my newfound happiness, or happy
ending!!! I said and I quote, “He taught me how to be single”, I’m almost sure
that was his purpose.
As a retired pro athlete. He took great care of his body. He looked AMAZING!
He was funny, we had some of the Best chemistry. We would talk about it often.
When we were together, we always had a good time. My
soon to be EX Husband became obsessed with Q.
If it weren’t for My
soon to be EX Husband…Q would have been my best kept secret. Yet My soon to be EX Husband felt the need to let
everyone know about him. He called my mom, he told my aunt, uncle, grandmother,
maybe even the pastor at my family’s church. He told our mutual friends. He
even told my kids! Then he researched Q. He asked about Q. He found Q’s social
media and lurked.
After all of this Q disappeared for a while. He even deleted all social
media. (I don’t know why) this is just what happened. I reached out eventually
and asked if he was ok. He said yes and that he was consumed with something at
the moment. So, I gave him his space.
He reached back out in May --- that’s when we reunited and it’s also the day,
I found out just how far My soon to be EX Husband
would go to know my every move (the ending of vol 5!)
When Q and I reunited --- it was different. He became the guy every single
tik tok or dating story talks about when they speak about dating in 2024. INCONSISTENT.
We’d go days and sometimes weeks without speaking, then I’d gets a random “Hey
Baby” text from him. I would also randomly get calls from him at 2am. If I
didn’t answer. My phone would keep ringing. I told him 2 am didn’t work for me
as I was a mother, and because I work in the damn morning. So, he tried 1 am
--- still a NoGo..…then midnight --- And to be honest, midnight would work for
me IF he caught me on the right night!
The problem was that our relationship had completely shifted. He was not
the same person who made the toast about men treating me right. In his defense,
however, he could’ve been talking about other men. I started to notice silly
lies. Q would say things to me when we were together than completely forget
about them when I say something later. He would say --- “I love you, please
never leave me alone!” Then we could go weeks without speaking. I am the type
of person to take notice of what you say AND what you do. When they don’t add
up, I remove myself. So, when he would call at midnight --- I’d say NO. He
would finally respond with –“You must be back with your husband!”. I finally
started turning my ringer off at night.
I have love for who Q used to be. I have more love for Who I was becoming!
You have to remember that when I met Q I was fresh into a separation. I hadn’t
had any experience in the new dating world. I was sad and angry and sometimes
lonely. I was used to always having a man by my side. I was accustomed to having
help with decision making, to cuddling when I wanted, being intimate often. I still
very much had a wife mentality. I also didn’t date during the time I was seeing
Q regularly. Not only was I being loyal to Q in a way, but I was also still
trying to prove to My soon to be EX Husband that
I wasn’t going to be a whore like he used to tell me I was. So, I felt the need
to keep Q close so I had what I needed when I needed it.
Once we took a break, I finally had to feel the lonely stage of separation.
It’s a hard adjustment to live with your husband and kids every day, then to
live without your husband and only have your kids for half the week. I still wasn’t
ready to date. Men that is. This is where my friends come along and help a girl
out.
We began to go on dates together. We spoiled each other. We picked up tabs
for each other. Scoped out new places, made reservations, made sure each other Birthdays
were special. We showed each other what to accept. If a man isn’t coming to
date me the way my friends have this year, they will have no luck.
At this tome My soon to be EX Husband had
ensured that he wouldn’t keep my kids weekends so that I couldn’t have any free
weekends. So my friends and I deemed WEDNESDAY’S the new Saturday.
As time went on, I started to enjoy the extra time I had to do my
skincare, wear my aligners, take care of my skin and hair. I booked massages,
took more hot yoga classes, and found a home gym. An inconsistent man with a
bag full of lies would only be in the way of me caring for myself, enjoying my
career, caring for my kids etc. Also, when I was dealing with Q --- I wasn’t
open to meeting other guys or dating. He met me fresh out. So, I had no clue
that I could do that. I thought I had to be loyal to him. Since Q --- I have
met a few guys’, who would treat me right, if I let them. My focus, however,
isn’t on a new relationship. I don’t want to share the freedom I just got. I
don’t want to have to answer to anyone. I like coming home to smiles and
laughter. Loneliness doesn’t live here. Especially when I have my kids, my
family, and my crew. We are all in different phases of separation or singleness
that’s why we are Starting Over Single (SOS). We all get to see where we’ve
been or what’s to come. I love that for us!
Meanwhile:
My soon to be EX Husband panted this
picture to my boys as if I left them when I left the house. He insinuated or
even flat out stated that I was more worried about fucking all these niggas
instead of caring for my kid! We know he had my location somehow and would tell
my kids when he thought I was with Q. Even saying that I rode past the old house
to go get my vagina waxed, so I could have sex with multiple men, & how I
was right next to them and didn’t stop to see them.
Here’s the
thing --- It’s always inappropriate to say things like this to a then 9 year
old, right!
But here is
the truth I did get waxed to pamper myself and my day to have the boys was the
next day! So, why would I interfere with his time with the boys. The picture he
was painting was wild. My youngest went through a phase where he was upset with
me because of things his dad was telling him. I initially just thought he
was having a hard time with the split.
So when he was
angry I’d tell him it’s ok. I’d hold him at night and tell him he can cry or I
could take him to the woods and let him scream if he wanted. I tried to
fill our weekends with as much fun events that I could afford to keep his mind
busy and to find some type of newfound happiness. I also kept things as
normal as possible on the days that the boys were with me:
·
Cooking dinner
·
Dinner
conversations
·
Family time
·
Paint nights, and sleepovers
with friends and cousins.
I had no Idea
of the things that were being said to them in the other home.
Quote
The best way to not be good enough, is to try and be someone else’s
version of good.
Ms. Pat
Lesson
I am the great chemistry. I have learned that I have great chemistry
with everyone I encounter. It was never them, but always me 😊
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