VOL 7 The Baby

June 2024

Things have been calm lately. I am planning a getaway for my oldest son’s 16th Bday.  I have provided a safe and consistent environment for my boys where they understand that even though they have two addresses, that mom is still mom and still showing up the way she always has. They are finally finding a routine with the separation and their own lives. As far as dating, I’m not really doing it. I still have my friend dates and get togethers with the SOS crew and that has been giving me all I need. I am no longer in the “lonely” stage of the separation. I feel like we are finally getting somewhere here. My soon to be ex, PAUSE- Lets give him a name- well call him Lance, Lance and I have been moved to no speaking terms. We had a little falling out recently and ever since, He decides when and if he will speak to me. The silent treatment is his new tactic.

May 2024

I am taking my children to school when my truck starts to overheat. My car is telling me to pull over immediately, so I do. I call Lance and let him know that the kids and I are on the side of the highway and he needs to come and get them so they can get to school. He meets us there and decides to take me to grab his truck and take the kids to school because he needs to get to work himself. He says I can take his truck to work and told me to have roadside assistance tow my truck to his place so he can look at it after work; I do as I am instructed. After work I asked him if he had a chance to look at my truck? He says no, but that its not a problem for me to hold onto his truck. I insist that I drop his truck off as I can use my sister's car for a few days. He replies that its not necessary. He reminds me that I drive his children and that he should make sure they have transportation. I know that nothing comes without a catch, but I comply. The next morning, Lance shows up to my house with a rental truck and asks me to switch with him because he needs the other truck for work; again, I do as he instructs.

The weekend is here and my sister Tee Tee, my cousin Autumn, and our friend Lisa, from the SOS crew, decide to go to Atlantic City. We have so much fun. I can't tell you exactly how the night ended, because I only remember bits and pieces, but I can tell you that I remember exchanging information with a really tall, dark, handsome guy with no shirt and some really juicy lips. As a single woman,  it's starting to feel like I have a type. Who knew?! I am laying in the bed because I am a little dizzy, I may have a slight hangover. My sister enters my room and begins to put the pieces of the night together. We call our cousin Autumn. Autumn answers the phone on the 2nd ring. She doesn’t say hello, she just LAUGHS, then I laugh, and Tee Tee laughs. I can’t tell you what words were said, other than we had a time!!!!! Once my sister leaves the room I decide to check my phone. I have about eight direct messages from Mr. No shirt and juicy lips. I respond and we chat about possibly going running or hiking together soon. I give him my actual number and we store each other. Throughout the week we discuss all the things that two people do when they are trying to get to know someone. He reminds me that his name is Tyler and of his age.

I run into my sisters room and say… “A BABY!!!”

“What?”, she responds? 

I say, “He's a baby!!!!”

Who she asks? I remind her of Tylers appearance at the beach bar- Tall dark nice chest, no shirt, juicy lips, blue shorts… he is a baby

“Whats a baby”

Me: “26”

Her: Laughs

Me: Laughs

Her: “poor baby”

Me: sighs

I get through the day ok. It was a relaxing day. Then back to work and mom life the next day. Tyler reaches out consistently. He checks on me daily, asks about my day- how I am feeling mentally, life etc. He even always offers gym motivation, and we talk about food a lot. He is sweet.  We eventually make plans to go back to where we met, AC and spend a day together.

I finally decided to check on my car with Lance to see what progress has been made. It has been over a week since he’s had it and I am skeptical that the rental I am borrowing has a tracker and possibly voice audio. I just want my truck back. He states it still isn’t fixed because he is waiting for a part, but he has been driving it. Something tells me to just switch cars, but I don’t push the issue. I drop my kids off to Lance and I am dressed up. He says, “oh You must be going on a date”. I just laugh. We are accidentally wearing the same color, so he jokes about that and even takes a picture. He looks in the car, notices my duffel and says, “oh it’s a stay the night date.” I laugh and say, “I am going to see Autumn”.

Why did I lie? I just didn’t want him in my business. He loves to use anything he can to pretend we are cool, but later morph it into his own private fairytale. I go to AC and spend the day with Tyler. Of course, I share my location with both Autumn and Lisa who live nearby. Our day was super cute. We hold hands, walk the beach, have push up contests, dance, and just have fun. I feel like- Stella. I got my groove back if you will. If only for a moment. When the time comes for us to part ways, I give Tyler a ride to his car, which he parked in a parking garage far from where we were. He isn’t from the area. REMINDER_ I think the truck I am driving is bugged.

Tyler asks me to come hug him before I leave. I get out of the car to do so. He calls me on the ride home and we chat. The next few days, I am unable to discuss practice schedules, drop offs and pick up with my ex. I finally send him a message and informed him that these things are important and we’ll have to figure out a way to communicate about them whether it be a mediator or something. We also make arrangements for me to get my car- which surprise surprise- is not fixed!!! Not even a little.

After a few more weeks of no communication, I finally get a text from Lance: He responds to my previous message about the kids and some joint bills we have. Then says;

“Hey, Im going to call you in a little while…I want to tell you something. I'm just finding out myself and you should be the first to know. Nothing bad.”

 

I respond: OK

 

I feel like I know what he needs to tell me, but then change my mind because he says, nothing bad. I just await his call.

He eventually calls me. He tells me that we are in this predicament because he wasn’t honest with me and so he wants to be honest with me now. He tells me that he will be on diaper duty again soon. I respond, “Congratulations”. He asks If I have questions. I ask if he was having a child with the person he was caught cheating with. He says no. I ask if and when he plans on telling the boys. He says he told them that morning already and that they are happy for him. I ask him if he knows what he's having yet. He says no- its still too early so he doesn’t know much yet. He assures me that he has already had a conversation with the mother of the child. That they aren’t together but will co parent effectively and lets me know that she is also ok with me having a relationship with the child as well. He states that If I wanted to come get the baby I could. He states that we could take the baby to wrestling tournaments and that everything is going to be ok. I am just listening at this point because nothing makes sense in this conversation. But I don’t want to make the conversation longer than it needs to be. I tell him congrats again and that I hope everything goes well. He states- people will run to you with his information when they find out- just let them know I told you first.

I go about my day. I have a late day filled with classes that day. My phone is ringing off the hook- I see it’s my cousin London but I can’t answer due to teaching.

After class I call her back

ME: Hello

Her: GIRL

Me: Uh OH

Her: I gotta tell you something- but I can’t! You see, London is my cousin, but she is also married into the family and  has to try and be neutral.

Me: No worries- I already know

Her: who told you?

Me: He did.

Her: oh thank God. I couldn’t go to the gender reveal and have them take pictures and you find out like that

Me: What gender reveal?

Her: Oh my goodness.

Me: You might as well say it now. 

Her: There's a gender reveal in 2 weeks. That’s how we found out about the baby. My husband confronted Lance and we told him he had to tell you.

 

Things make so much more sense now.

The next day is my oldest son's 16th birthday. He asked for a vacation. I have that planned but I go get him to take him shopping anyway. I ask him how he feels about the baby. He says he doesn’t really know, but that he is kind of excited to have another sibling. I respect that. He asks if I am letting them go to the gender reveal?

Me: Who told you about the gender reveal?

Him- My dad.

Me: I have to talk to dad first.

Him: ok

My thoughts:

I was upset when he told me. I was sad but also with a sense of I always knew it was a possibility. When I find out that there’s a gender reveal. I start to think that this baby has been cooking a little longer than he said. I am also annoyed because my oldest son’s 16th birthday is here and This man has been silent on the planning of his vacation, gifts, or anything pertaining to it. Yet he can call me about a baby. and he invited my kids to a gender reveal without talking to me about it first. The same man who threatened that I better not have his kids around another man. EVER. I laugh thinking about it because its all I can do. How does someone I left hurting me-keep finding new ways to hurt me?

Quote:” If someone stabs you in the back and you still give them grace, you now give them a chance to stab you in your face!”

Lesson: I am allowing myself to keep getting hurt. I keep looking for a little bit of good and growth in someone who had 20 plus years to show it and hasn’t. I cannot be his friend at this time. I also learned  It takes 1 day to get married, It takes a year or longer to get divorced !